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The Wicked Lasers Spyder III Is a Budget-Priced Death Ray

Like most evil geniuses and supervillains, I like to keep up on the development of personal laser technology, which is why I was very interested when a friend of mine sent me a link to Wicked Lasers and their latest product, the Spyder III:

I’m not sure what purpose the Spyder III is meant to serve (other than the obvious fact that lasering is its own reward), but I do know that it’s not your average laser pointer. Take a look at the safety warning that accompanies the product description:

Warning: Extremely dangerous is an understatement to the power of 1W of laser power. It will blind permanently and instantly and set fire quickly to skin and other body parts.

Instant blindness. Sets fire to skin. Looks like a lightsaber.

Guys. That is a portable Death Ray. And it costs less than $200. I don’t think I’m overstating things when I say that this is going to revolutionize super-villainy.The Spyder III isn’t the first personal death ray to hit the market, but it is the first one that’s priced to own. Just look at their competitors in the death ray market: United Nuclear, a company founded by a physicist who claims to have worked at Area 51 in the ’80s and which is currently having a 25% off sale on Uranium and none of that is a joke.

Even United Nuclear’s most inexpensive model of death ray (which is actually marketed as a “Death Ray”) will set you back close to a thousand bucks once you factor in the power supply and coolant, and that’s just for the modest 20-watt model. A hundred-watt Death Ray will cost twice as much, and in today’s economy, that’s just not a financially sound purchase for the thrifty super-villain. I mean, if you had two grand to throw around on personal lasers, you wouldn’t be holding Gotham City for ransom, now would you?

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