Original Spin 2: Monsters Mashed! [Marvel Original Sin Recap]
Extry, extry! ComicsAlliance presents Original Spin, all the latest salacious scoops from Marvel’s big summer event series, Original Sin, by Jason Aaron and Mike Deodato. Find out who’s banging who! And by “banging”, we mean “teaming up with”.
Are Bruce and Tony spending too much time together “in the lab”? Are T’Challa and Emma having a black-and-white ball? (Panther and Queen, that is.) Is Punisher getting some Strange? Find out in our spoiler-filled recap.
MOLOID DISCOVERY OF MONSTER GRAVEYARD BEGS QUESTION: ARE MOLOIDS TOO THIN?
T’Challa, the Black Panther (a real king but not a real panther) and Emma Frost, the White Queen (a fake queen, but a real tiger) stumbled on a macabre discovery today in an undisclosed location that authorities would only confirm as “somewhere deep within the Earth”.
In a cave that may or may not be linked to billionaire philanthropist and businessman Bruce Wayne (probably not, on balance), investigators uncovered a gruesome pile of monster corpses which may be linked to the recent murder of Uatu Watcher of the Earthmoon Watchers.
Several members of the subterranean Deviant race the Moloids were spotted near the scene, showing off their bone-thin bodies in scanty nouveau-boho loincloths. Their appearance has led trend watchers to wonder if the thinspiration trend has gone too far in the underground scene.
Trend watchers also noted that Emma Frost is struggling to close her jacket over her curvaceous frame, and wondered if she might be over-eating following her recent break-up with Scott Cyclops of renegade punk outfit “Xaviermen”.
YOUNG STARLET TEACHING OLD SOLDIER NEW TRICKS?
Upcoming starlet Mindy Lessoné made a big splash on the scene with her explosive début in New York City earlier this month, but now the sexy young diva has been spotted getting grabby in the back seat during a recent tour of the city heights.
Does Ms. Lessoné have something going on with her driver, retired soldier and silver fox Nick Fury of SHIELD? We don’t know what SHIELD stands for, but we think it might be “Sexy Honey Involved with Eligible Lothario Daddy”!
Some people close to the action said that old Nick couldn’t get away from Mindy fast enough, but he may just be playing hard to get. Mindy is famous for her childlike naive charm, and the boys go crazy for it! We’re dying to know her secret! Whatever it is, Mindy Lessoné is once again blowing up big time in New York!
EXCLUSIVE! INSIDE THE SCIENCE BRO LOVE NEST
Tony Stark and Bruce Banner are famous for their science bro relationship, characterized by a Heisenbergian quantum uncertainty that we call, “will they/won’t they?” We visited the couple at home for an exclusive glimpse inside Avengers Tower, where the magi– science happens!
We may have come at a bad time, because Tony was only half-dressed — in a bathrobe and Iron Man helmet. As for the rest of their love nest…
… turns out it’s all just grey walls and TV screens. Sorry, everyone. We were really hoping for some tiger-print bedsheets.
STRANGECASTLE ON TOUR; HITS KEEP COMING
Retro psychedelic prog rock outfit Strangecastle has taken their show far out on the road this week with a gig at chichi rave nightspot Somewhere Far Beyond The Realms of Man.
The new club is known for its impressive light shows and extreme interior decor, as well as its conversation-starting centerpiece, the eighty-five foot-long corpse of a beast king of an ancient world. Also in attendance at the gig: Michael Lohan, Farrah Abraham, and new Bachelorette Andi Dorfman!
Strangecastle are already causing a stir with their debut release, “Man-Eating Shadows & Murder-Sniffing Birds.” On airplay alone it’s set to be number one… with a bullet!
SIN STUNNER OUBLIETTE IS A MINX IN LATEX & LEATHER
Sexy Oubliette Midas is a terror in the streets and a pleasure in the sheets, or so she told us during our exclusive photo shoot! Oublie calls herself an Exterminatrix, but if you have a pest problem, don’t expect her to come over to trap your rat! Little Miss Midas is a gunslinger, and she’s always DTF — Down To Fight! For our shoot she strapped in to a risqué little buckled bodice that shows just what a bad girl she can be! She may wear her hair up, but she’s always ready to let her hair down.
(Editor’s note: Actually this is what she always wears.)
CHRIS EVANS SETS TWITTER RECORD WITH ALL-STAR AWARDS SHOW SELFIE
Hashtag it ‘epic win’! Captain America, aka Chris Evans, set Twitter on fire with an amazing selfie shot that brought together some of Hollywood’s biggest players!
In a surprise appearance at this year’s Billboard Music Awards, where the theme of the show was “urban rubble”, Evans was joined by co-stars Anthony Mackie, Mark Ruffalo, Scarlett Johansson, Chris Hemsworth, and Robert Downey Jr. — as well as Andrew Garfield, Halle Berry, Ellen Page, Ben Affleck, and, for some reason, David Hasselhoff as Nick Fury.
The selfie has already been seen by over 37 million people worldwide, and Jeremy Renner!
AUTHORITIES CORNER CONTROVERSIAL WHISTLE-BLOWER
Specialist national security group the Avengers is reported to be close to apprehending a wanted fugitive linked to the release of classified files concerning absolutely everything that has ever happened.
The whistle-blower known only as “The Orb” was seen in the company of the assassin Oubliette Midas and an unidentified thing that appears to be an unidentified Thing. He was also carrying one of the Watcher’s eyeballs, which he referred to as “a bomb full of secrets”. If activated, the bomb could create a crossover that will devastate dozens of comics.
The Orb is currently still at large. His head is an eye, and he is carrying an eye. Authorities have warned people to be on the lookout for a man with two eyes.
Original Sin #2 by Jason Aaron and Mike Deodato, with Frank Martin and Chris Eliopoulis. Original Spin graphic by Dylan Todd.