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‘Pizza Man’ is a Super-Hero Movie Starring Frankie Muniz and Diamond Dallas Page. You Did Not Hallucinate That Sentence

Here at ComicsAlliance, we do our best to not be the sort of website that just posts press releases, but occasionally something lands in our inbox that has to be shared with our readers. That’s why I want to pass along a little information about Pizza Man, which I think is the only Italian food-based super-hero movie to feature two professional wrestlers and Frankie Muniz of Malcolm in the Middle.

Check out the truly mystifying trailer and try to make sense of it with me after the cut!

There are a number of inexplicable and somewhat worrying things about this movie, first and foremost among them being that it appears to have originated on a fan-site for O-Town, the C-list boy band that was created for an MTV reality show. I’m having a hard enough time coming to grips with the fact that there actually are O-Town fan-sites, let alone the idea that they would be a go-to source for independent movie trailers. I can’t even figure out the connection. Did O-Town do a song on the Agent Cody Banks soundtrack? Is that the tenuous link to the world of Pizza Man?

Second, despite the fact that he gets top billing over LA Law‘s Corbin Bernsen and my close personal friend Adam West as a character named — wait for it — “The Big Cheese,” former WCW Champion Diamond Dallas Page does not appear to have a speaking part. Really, when you have the actor who defined a generation through his virtuoso performance in the major motion picture Ready to Rumble, you need to put him front and center.

Also, this means that Pizza Man will inevitably be building to a battle between Diamond Dallas Page and Frankie Muniz, and while that probably would’ve been more appropriate at, say, Starrcade ’99, there’s a pretty good chance that it won’t be his most embarrassing match against a celebrity. You have Dennis Rodman to thank for that one.

Finally, the federally mandated cameo from Stan Lee, who I’m pretty sure was not aware that he was being filmed for a movie. Seriously, dude just talks like that.

I’ll admit it, guys, I’m even more confused about this thing now than when we started. But if you take away nothing else, it should be this: This movie exists. It is real. We did not — we could not — make this up.

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