The Onion Reveals The True Cost Of Global Warming: Lost Arctic Lairs
For comic book readers, it’s no secret that the polar ice caps are home to a bevy of would-be world conquerors and beings seeking solitude, but now these sacred locations are threatened by man’s harmful relationship with nature.
“The world’s finest news source” (we mean it – they photograph real comic bloggers posing as brides and chocolate lovers) reveals that these secret arctic lairs are now being exposed as their icy coverings melt — and at an astonishing rate to boot!
The Onion breaks it down in terms that would make Al Gore blush:
“We always assumed there would be some secret lairs here and there, but the sheer number now being exposed is indeed troubling,” said noted climatologist Anders Lorenzen, who claimed that the Arctic ice caps have shrunk at the alarming rate of 41,000 square miles per year. “In August alone we discovered 44 mad scientist laboratories, three highly classified military compounds, and seven reanimated and very confused cavemen. That’s more than twice the number we had found in the previous three decades combined.”
While the article focuses primarily on the forces of evil hiding in the arctic, it’s important to note that Superman’s Fortress of Solitude may also be threatened. He can probably handle relocating, but why take the chance? If there were ever a reason to demand clean energy, this is it.