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Achewood’s Phone Balls Have Become a Terrifying Reality

Chris Onstad’s “Achewood” has often explored the concept of useless commercial products whose very existence diminishes us all, but few have had the resonance of the fake smart phone testicles he first imagined in a 2006 strip titled “Ana-Tomix nuts for your phone.” It was a hilariously absurd concept that parodied that already hilariously absurd nature of Truck Nutz, and we all had a good laugh about it.

Well, hold on to your hat, because an off-hand joke that Onstad made about masculinity and commercialism and the way we express our deep, personal insecurities via the products that we believe define us has now come to life. That’s right, you can now buy Phoneballs.

If you take a look back at the original comic, its prescience is almost disturbing. See this?


This is no longer true. That is a world that we don’t live in anymore. Somebody, somewhere actually had the same thought process as Ray Smuckles and/or saw this comic and thought this product pitch was just too beautiful a baby not to birth into the world. Conversely, the following sequence is what has actually happened, in real life, except that you are the illiterate, drug-addled squirrel and Ray Smuckles is Phoneballs.com.

Check out a compare and contrast, which is NSFW in the fakest way possible, after the jump.
What’s next? iPad Nutz? Well, if Achewood is to be believed, the next natural step in product development will be expanding the dual-ball base model into the three-balled Chatsack Triple-Play, followed by Solo, the Chatsack with Karl Lagerfeld. Since Onstad is apparently the new Randall Munroe, we can only conclude that if he can imagine it, somebody will make it real.

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