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Archie To Display Evidence of Tiger Blood, Become Warlock [Exclusive]

Like everyone else, we here at ComicsAlliance have been marveling at the absolute torrent of insanity that’s been pouring out of Charlie Sheen over the past week. Today, however, Sheen’s madness finally extended to somewhere that we never expected: Riverdale, USA!

In a piece penciled by Archie artist Fernando Ruiz and sent to ComicsAlliance as a sterling example of the company’s new direction of jumping on cultural trends as they happen, the penciled piece sees the Two and a Half Men star invading Archie’s hometown in an effort to lure Betty and Veronica into his whirlwind of legitimate insanity, complete with a caricature that’s both wholly accurate and genuinely disturbing.

Check out the full exclusive image and our speculation on what it might mean for America’s Typical Teens after the jump!

Even though recent issues have seen Archie and the gang dealing with more socially relevant topics with storylines featuring Barack Obama and Sarah Palin and the Twilight “saga,” it’s doubtful that Sheen’s rantings could ever be considered kid-friendly enough to actually be included in the pages of an Archie comic. In other words, we’re prettys ure that Ruiz’s sketch is Archie’s version of a Great Comic That Never Happened.

If it did manage to get in there, though, the plot possibilities are endless:

  • Jughead would no longer be addicted to hamburgers, having cured himself in five minutes with his super-evolved brain in a way that you could not comprehend.
  • Josie and the Pussycats would finally become recognized as totally bitchin’ rock stars from Mars.
  • Reggie would continue to not pretend like he’s not a winner every day of his life.
  • Five words: Miss Grundy In The Octagon.
  • Messing with Sabrina the Teenage Witch’s cat, Salem? Then you’re messing with a warlock. Because he is, in fact, a warlock.

But while Sheen and his rants aren’t likely to actually show up in an Archie book, there’s at least one more celebrity who will be: Grammy award winner and meat dress enthusiast Lady Gaga, set to be featured in Life With Archie Magazine #9:

According to this issue, Archie’s finally going to answer the question of who rocks harder, Lady Gaga or Josie and the Pussycats. But c’mon, guys: Was that even in question? Seriously, let me know when Gaga does a concert in outer space.

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