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ComicsAlliance Answers Fan Letters to Batman From 1966

In 1966, the Batman TV show rocketed the Caped Crusader to the level of a pop culture phenomenon. In the process, it produced a ton of strange tie-ins in its wake, from novelty songs by Adam West to Batman-themed nightclubs to a visibly intoxicated encounter with Jerry “The King” Lawler in Memphis wrestling. But one of the single best pieces of Bat-ephemera was Bill Adler’s Funniest Letters to Batman, a paperback collection of letters to the Dark Knight, sent in by fans of the ’60s.

I’ve only become aware of it recently thanks to Al Bigley — who, incidentally, was the very first comic book creator I met — and while the letters are great, there’s one huge problem: The people who wrote in never got their letters! Well, despite 25 years of wishing, I’m not Batman, but as America’s Foremost Batmanologist, I’m the next best thing when it comes to answering questions. That’s why today, I’m giving The Funniest Fan Letters to Batman the answers they’ve been waiting 45 years for!

Dear Jeffrey,

Death Man was able to come back to life through his mastery of secret yoga tricks! For future reference, pretty much any time you read about a dude coming back to life in a comic book for the next 20 years or so, yoga trickery is going to be involved. After that, all bets are off.

Warmest regards,
Chris

Dear Maggie,

Well, you certainly sound like a schoolyard terror, but you’re right! Batman does indeed have the best punch in the world, as voted by the Gotham City Criminal Dentist Association:

Mainly because he’s been keeping those guys in business single-handedly (or single-fistedly), for about 72 years.

Best wishes,
Chris

Dear “Susan,”

Nice try, but the name change isn’t fooling anyone, Chris Haley.

Your friend,
Chris

Dear Gloria,

Those words are actually a clever educational tool! By seeing the word and hearing it, former young children like yourself will be able to understand what words like “thwacke” or “zzzzzwap”
mean when they run across them in other places.

In that respect, it’s a lot like the video for “Whoomp (There It Is),” and in the words of Marty McFly, trust me, your kids are gonna love it.

Sincerely,
Chris

Dear Alex,

You think you’ve got problems with your brother? Batman had a secret brother named Thomas Wayne Jr. who grew up in an asylum, was brainwashed into becoming an assassin who used boomerangs, and was then used as a permanent human body for the ghost vigilante Deadman and was then never seen again. So don’t come crying to him.

If, however, you really want to get rid of problems with your relatives, try getting them to take you to see Zorro in a bad neighborhood.

Good luck,
Chris

Dear Max,

There may be a problem with your plan to get a lock of Alfred’s hair.

The dude does not have a whole lot to give out.

Best,
Chris

Marsha,

Most of these letters seem to be from kids, but yours implies that you’re at least six years past the time when you stop dressing up for Halloween. Then again, I can’t really criticize you for writing to fictional characters about your lack of dates, as that’s pretty much the basis for my entire career.

Yours,
Chris

Dear “Stephanie,”

Nice try, but changing your name isn’t fooling anyone, ComicsAlliance’s Bethany Fong.

Your friend,
Chris

Dear Jack,

It’s a documentary.

Best,
Chris

Dear “Percy,”

Nice try, but changing your name isn’t fooling anyone, Chris Sims.

Yours truly,
Chris

For more of these amazing leters, check out Al Bigley’s blog!

(Via Kevin Church and Metafilter)

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