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End of the Week Explosion #9

Nuclear explosion imageIt’s the end of the week explosion! This week we’ve got an exciting Transformers video and more rambling about Die Hard. And…appliances. Let’s see what Seacord had to say without being sworn-in under oath.

Q: First things first…have you seen this new Transformers video? All I can say is that when I was watching it I found myself wishing it was real. How awesome is this?

Warning: Explicit Language and Graphics

What do you mean “wishing” it was real? I’ve seen Soundwave’s guest appearances on Family Guy and now this? I’m gonna need you to be more specific. This video is more lifelike than the news. If I had a quarter for every time an appliance hit on me, well, lets just say I’d have AT LEAST a $1.50. I don’t trust them. Especially dish washers. Any machine that has a “quiet” mode is a liar. Plain and simple. The people in this video deserve medals for dealing with such a violent and dangerous robot. At any point he could have freaked out and transformed into a tape deck and then begun airing re-runs of the “Hey Seacord, tin foil won’t protect you anymore” show. I hate that show. I was told that radar waves couldn’t penetrate them and now here’s this video to confirm my fears that robots are living among us? AND they can morph into things so we don’t know what they are? Enough is enough dude, I either need to move into the mountains away from technology or quit eating the berries from the bush in front of my house. Either way it’s a lose-lose cause those berries are damn tasty.

Q: Except the dog…not a huge fan of the dog they got to play Ravage.

Again, “play” Ravage. They’ve gotten to you too. Oh man. Next you’ll be telling me that I need to abandon my dream of becoming a Pokemon Master. Gotta catch ‘em all. Really I do, it’s me or them. Though the Pokemon I’ve acquired look strangely like mailmen, UPS guys and Mormon missionaries. I don’t really keep them in balls so much as cages, but I’ll be damned if they won’t fight each other. Sure you may have to convince them with a high-powered cattle prod, but you tell me a better way to achieve Pokemon Master and I’m all ears…..yeah that’s what I thought.

Q: Our next question was originally posed by our buddy Wayne on the site this week. He asks, “Do spoilers circulating the Internets about your favorites comics, movies or TVs really bother you? Or does the fanboy/fangirl spirit within tempt you to take a look anyway.” I used to live for spoilers, but now I find that they actually do spoil things. To know, or not to know?

Wayne – if that is his real name. Spoilers give guys like me with ankle bracelets who can’t leave their house something to do in between P.O. visits. I can see both sides, spoilers are good if you know you aren’t going to make it opening night or are on the fence about whether or not to spend ten bucks on a flick that might just completely blow. I’m not big on surprises. I have enough to deal with. Especially now. If anyone has any spoilers on whether or not my car is going to go do battle while I’m out this weekend, by all means give me a heads up. And I don’t mean you, dish washer. I’ve heard enough from you this week. Just clean the dishes and quit sneaking into the shower with me.

World War Hulk logo Q: So you still have not read World War Hulk. I only want to know what’s wrong with you.

What’s wrong with me? Where do I start? So I went and grabbed one issue this week, got two pages in and “woke up” on 495 covered in green food coloring (cause I thought the fumes might be less toxic…well, so said the berry bush, and its berries are so tasty.) Needless to say, the Hulk is not invulnerable to electricity. By that I mean I’m not invulnerable to the Highway Patrol’s tazer guns. I want to reiterate to everyone out there: Spending the night in jail, wearing your high school gym shorts and green dye does NOT make you any friends. Unless you’re into sharing a toilet paper pillow with a guy named “Lazy-Eye Dave”…then you’ll be the coolest guy in there.

Q: Also in the news this week: I turned old! Happy birthday to me. But, Die Hard IV was actually really, really good. Especially for a PG-13 movie. PG-13 Die Hard is like your old buddy who goes off to rehab. He comes back and he’s not quite as crazy as when he was rated R, but he’s still cool and it’s great to see him. What did you think of the return to action?

I have to stress the fact that this movie is PG-13 because we’re all desensitized to the violence in Halo, Grand Theft Auto, and the evening news. This would have been an R a decade ago. But I agree, this movie rocked. It was much better than I thought and I, too, was upset at the PG-13 rating. I guess as long as you don’t drop the F-bomb you can pretty much blow up, shoot, maim, and use every other word and you’ll get a PG-13 rating. I’m thinking they might have to step up the violence in John Rambo so it meets the PG-13 rating. I’m still waiting for the DVD, I feel that some scenes were cut out or panned away from to keep the rating what it was. I also completely agree with the seeing your friends back from rehab, it’s always nice. Then they start asking for a couple bucks here and there, if they can crash on your couch, if you REALLY need that stereo, then you find them in bed with your dish washer. I know she’s a slut. What can you do. Oh and Ian, I’m sorry for all those things and I’ll pay you back, swear. I can still crash there tonight though, right?

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