Fox News Said Some Incredibly Stupid Bullsh*t About Comics Again [Video]
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The great thing about Fox News is that it’s only Tuesday and you’re already about to see the dumbest thing you’ll see all week.
In this case, it’s a clip from Fox’s weekend morning show, where three people with the collective brains of a sack of doorknobs turn their reasoned and well-thought out opinions to the world of comic books. Specifically taking on Jason Aaron and Russell Dauterman’s upcoming run on Thor, where the iconic Marvel hero will get a new identity as a woman, and complaining about Wonder Woman’s costume in the upcoming Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice film by comparing it to Jim Lee’s redesign from four years ago that, according to them, appears to be a product of what they characterize as fundamentalist Sharia Law.
No, really, this dope on the left actually says that.
Before they get to comics, though, the Fox Friends turn their dead-eyed smiles to a tragedy of epic proportions, blasting animator Genndy Tartakovsky‘s upcoming Popeye film for removing the sailor man’s “iconic” pipe. The reason behind this is, of course, that this movie is for children and, in general, having a character for children using tobacco products is a bad idea what with that whole thing where they give you cancer and heart disease. According to Fox News, however, the original Popeye smoked a pipe, and since medical science hasn’t learned anything new about how smoking affects you in the past seventy years, this must be part of the ongoing liberal plot to “wussify” America, which pretty rich coming from a guy who famously got bullied out of wearing bow ties on television.
That man is of course Tucker Carlson (he’s the dimwit on the left, in case you’re unfamiliar with this confederacy of dipsh*ts), who even goes as far as to make a truly aneurysm-inducingly stupid comparison: “Popeye driving around giving the morning-after pill to fourth graders, that would be fine, but smoking a pipe, a symbol of masculinity and freedom and America itself, the reason this country exists, tobacco, that’s like… oh, that’s outrageous.” And you know, maybe it’s just that I’ve had to bash myself in the head with a hammer a couple dozen times just to get through watching this video, but I’m starting to think he’s right. Fourth graders should have the GOD-GIVEN AMERICAN FREEDOM to have as many babies and cancers as they want! I guess? That’s what he’s saying, right? And then they talk about how Popeye was a good message for the kids about eating your spinach, and smoking.
Also, they refer to the screenshots of the Popeye movie as “photos,” which makes me think that they actually think Popeye is a real person and not a computer drawing of an imaginary sailor.
Once that’s done, they move on to Thor, and it’s at this point where you can see three human beings (or at least three somewhat convincing reptilian simulacra) turn into a YouTube Comments Section given human form. Get out your bingo cards and check one off for every idiotic argument you hear in a single minute, from “But men are objectified too!” to “Political correctness running amok!”
To be honest, I just want to see what happens when they find out about the time Thor was a frog, or when Superman — A PATRIOTIC AMERICAN ICON! — died and then came back as four people, one of whom had an earring!!!! It’ll be the end of democracy as we know it.
Finally, we get to Wonder Woman, and listen; If you want to complain about the costumes in Batman v. Superman, then that is fine. I am right there with you, believe me. But if your complaint is that Gal Godot isn’t showing enough leg, then brother, I don’t know what to tell you. I mean, watch that idiot on the right. This thing aired on national television and that dude is just sitting there straight up talking about how mad he is that he can’t jack off to a lady who wears pants. Dude, it isn’t even 7 AM yet. Keep that to yourself ’til after we all have breakfast.
Amazingly, their “what have they done to Wonder Woman now” complaints send some intern scrambling into the files for the last time they cared about Wonder Woman, which was when Jim Lee redesigned her costume four years ago, which has since been replaced by one that goes back to those booty shorts this dude loves so much. You know, like you might wear rollerblading.
Of all the amazingly terrible things that were said in the span of four minutes/the eternity that it felt like to actually watch this, I think I love that dimwit’s idea of rollerblading the most.