Real-Life Super-Villain Rex Velvet Terrorizes Seattle With Hilarious YouTube Video
Remember that part at the end of Batman Begins, where Commissioner Gordon talks to Batman about escalation, and warns him that simply by existing as a super-hero, he’s opening the door to an equal response from the world of villainy? Well, it turns out those same rules apply here in the real world. This week, real-life super-hero Phoenix Jones has gained an arch-nemesis in the form of a Real-Life Super-Villain operating under the name “Rex Velvet.” And seriously? He is quite possibly my new favorite person.
Velvet, a villain so evil that he has a scar, an eyepatch, a moustache and an affected Mid-Atlantic accent, issued a challenge to Phoenix Jones and “his gang of misfit Power Rangers” through a YouTube video with criminally high production values that’s likely to be the best thing you see all day. Check it out after the cut!
It’s hard to pin down one thing great thing about this video — even his name is fantastic — but I’ll say this: Velvet appears to be following the rules laid out in Matt Wilson’s Supervillain Handbook pretty religiously. He’s got the art of villainous theatricality down to a science.
Seriously, this video was made in what appears to be an honest to God lair in an abandoned warehouse. There are literally skulls hanging on the walls and a portrait of his arch-enemy that he throws things at!
As for Rex’s motivation, he seems to be taking a page from the Joker in The Dark Knight: He wants Phoenix Jones to unmask and retire from crime-fighting. Now, far be it from me to get in the way of good old-fashioned villainy, and believe me when I say that I hate to be the one to break this to him, but he’s a little late on at least half of that.
To be fair, though, his video didn’t involve stabbing a dude in hockey pads, so hopefully, Rex Velvet will stick to making videos and avoid getting into, you know, actual crime. If I was in Seattle, though, I’d probably still avoid taking the ferry for a while. With a mastermind like this on the loose, you never know when you’re going to be faced with a moral quandary that can only be solved by Tiny Lister.