Under Armour Releases Superhero-Themed Football Cleats Which We Assume Are Great For Kicking Murderous Clowns In The Face
We’ve all been there, right? You’re trying to buy a new pair of kicks, but you just can’t find one that’ll give you the support your need to excel on the gidiron and fit thematically with the imagery you chose to adopt when you made that vow to avenge the murder of your billionaire parents by making war on all criminals. It’s probably the single most common problem that I have when I go shoe shopping, and now, a solution has finally been offered.
This week, Under Armor rolled out its new “Alter Ego” line of superhero-themed football cleats, meaning that you can finally deck out your feet in officially licensed cleats featuring Batman, Captain America, Superman, Flash and the Hulk. Amazingly, NFL SuperPro was not included, leading to what is unquestionably the biggest missed opportunity in marketing history.
Each pair of cleats comes in a character’s signature color, with the logo across the heels…
…except for the Hulk, who doesn’t really have a logo, so he just gets a giant purple fist. That works, right?
The marketing for the cleats asks players “When you strap on your cleats, who do you become?” which is a pretty cool question when it comes to the style of play and who you choose to embody. Are you stalwart on defense like Captain America? Do you move quick like the Flash? Are you an unstoppable juggernaut like the Hulk, or is your offense bulletproof but benevolent, like Superman? Or, and I’m just throwing this out there, do you want to just be better than literally every other person on the field at everything? If that’s the case, you’re probably going to want to go with the Batman shoes.
The cleats are the newest edition to the Alter Ego line, which kicked off (ha HA!) last fall with a line of shirts, some of which were really awesome recreations of comics costumes…
…and some of which I would classify as “alarmingly terrible.”
There’s even one that honors the greatest superhero team of all:
The cleats, though, are the highlight — especially for that weird tread on the bottom that makes them look like a skeleton foot.