Cobra Launches A Sinister Plot To Take Control Of Your Feet, Thereby Destroying GI Joe
It's a sad truth about this world of ours, but our freedom is constantly under attack by Cobra Commander and his sinister army of snake-themed soldiers. I mean, no, it's not as bad as it was in the mid-80s, when you couldn't even chew gum, get a hamburger or listen to the latest Cold Slither record without finding yourself under assault by Night Creepers and Alley Vipers, but the threat is still out there, chipping away at our safety in the most unexpected ways.
Take, for example, the Commander's latest sinister plot: Taking over America two feet at a time alongside New Balance and BAIT, collaborating with Hasbro for a limited edition set of sneakers decked out with a snakeskin pattern in Cobra's traditional colors.
Fortunately for the forces of good, the Cobra-themed shoes aren't the only footwear being made for the promotion. To counteract the dastardly influence, BAIT and New Balance are also producing shoes inspired by America's daring, highly trained special missions force, codenamed Roadblock in honor of Sgt. Marvin F. Hinton, heavy weapons specialist and gourmet chef:
As much as I want to put these on my feet immediately --- honestly, the only way I could want them more is if there was a Destro-themed pair with a sole made of beryllium steel --- they're so limited that BAIT is literally holding a raffle to determine who will be allowed to pay money for them. Should you win, you have the option of buying one or both pairs, with Cobra Commander selling for $140 and Roadblock for $120.
Just for the record, I wear a size 11.